Friday, November 20, 2009

The Encounter

Senator Franken: Ladies and Gentlemen of the Senate of the United States, thank you for allowing me this...

Me: Al, may I ask you a few questions?

Senator Franken: How did you get up here? Can't you see that I'm about to address the Senate?

Me: I'ma let you finish but Stuart Smalley is one of the...

Senator Franken: Be quiet! Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been quiet in my new role as a United States Senator. Frankly, I have been stunned into silence by what I have seen. I can no longer quietly condone the disgraceful deception that you all practice. You are frauds who only pretend to represent the interests of the people who count on you. You sell your influence to the highest bidder and then you all cooperate with each other to see that these corporate criminals all get exactly what they want. When your treachery is so foul that the public would revolt, you then cover your traitorous acts by hiding them in stacks of legalese, providing multitudes of loopholes for their armies of lawyers.

Me: Al, what I want to ask... is Stuart Smalley the real you and is this whole Franken performance just an act?

Senator Franken: Ladies and Gentlemen, I want you to know that as of today, I am putting you all on notice that your traitorous behavior will no longer be tolerated. I am going to tell the American people the whole truth about who is influencing and even writing their laws. You are now going to be held accountable for your actions.

Me: Who are you guys? Let me go. Don't taze me!

Senator Franken: I didn't come to Congress to help conceal this foul system, I came to work on behalf of the citizens and that is what I am going to do. Thank you and good day.